Going forward…

The next couple of weeks I’ll be getting more personal on here, some of you already know that I’ve separated from my fiancè since 9 years.

Hence why I’m doing a slight stray towards more personal recollections for a while…

We met when I attended Molkoms Community College (folkhögskola). The funny thing was that Molkom was not by far my first choice of school but due to living in Topeka that spring (2002) I missed all the interview sessions for the schools I really wanted to attend. In the end I wound up going to the two places that actually would let me interview/test after their ordinary sessions.

I wound up going to Molkom where I attended their practical filmmaking class. Just a day after moving into my dorm she and two other girls from another dorm banged on the door wanting to see how our rooms looked. Thats my first meeting with her and I remember thinking that she must be one of the most charismatic and outgoing persons I’ve ever met.

A couple of months later we fooled around on the night bus home from a club session (we don’t date in Sweden) and I think I wound up in her dorm room (to be truthful I don’t remember all the details since it was 11 years ago). We then went into a secret relationship (we were both single) where I more or less snuck over to her dorm at night and then snuck back to mine before dawn. I’m not really sure why we did it this way but I do remember it brought some extra excitement to my life during this period. The last month we outed ourselves and I decided to move to Stockholm with her after school being over.

During the nine years we were a couple we have gone through all stages of a relationship without the marriage and getting kids part. We have been through both happiness and sad times. I just want to go on record and say that I doubt I’ll ever meet such a extraordinary girl/woman again and I’m incredibly thankful for the nine years I got to have with her. However, you come to a point in a relationship where you start to wonder why some things are so hard to resolve and when some issues came up this spring I think both of us felt that we had been through enough.

I’d lie if I’d say that the last month has been a stroll in the park, around the same time as our separation I’ve started a new job as production coordinator for a Swedish feature film so the last month has been extremely stressful. Still I’d rather have it like this than having to manage it during one of my unemployment sessions. Every other day the thought has hit me that we maybe should have given it another go. But I realize that its naive and unrealistic to think like that and I know for a fact that we both are in agreement that this is for the best. However, its really hard to start thinking in a different direction when you have been living in a two some mindset for so long.

As of now I see a lot more positives with being on my own (I do miss her enormously from time to time) and when getting accustomed to that feeling I have felt a closure with the Cast Away ending. Sorry for the two clips that don’t really match each other but you get the point.

So for now the output I’ll try to have a on life is an endless choice of crossroads that can take me everywhere…

 

Tagged as: Deny Everything, Joel Burman, Separation